If there were a list of words I would use to describe myself, self-reliant would certainly be on it. While I pride myself on being able to take care of many things myself, it is also a product of my deep aversion to asking people for assistance. I can’t stand it, and I’m always worried about being a burden or bother to someone else.
I think my mantra since having my daughter in February of 2011 has been “I’ll take care of it.” There’s always a unique transition when someone chooses to stay home with their child rather than return to working outside of the home. For me the transition came with my own belief that I should be taking care of everything at home, and I should try to save money whenever I could. You name it around our farm, I made myself responsible. When all that made me very busy but not fulfilled, I also started blogging for myself and others, building my husband’s website, and increasing my crafting. Then, we needed a bookkeeper. You can guess what I thought. ”I’ll take care of it.”
But this isn’t a “woe is me” post. This is a “lesson learned” post. I got tired. I got stressed. I got no sleep. I got grouchy and resentful. It was clearly time to look for help.
I found a daycare that my daughter will be attending twice a week for 3 hours a day starting mid-October. This may even increase to 3 days a week! We are hiring a bookkeeper, and I couldn’t be more relieved. I’m asking people for help more often and finding resources for the things I need to do.
My name is Carrie Anne, and I’m a reformed Help-a-phobic.
Are you a person who hates to ask for help or do you like to do everything yourself? Are you handling it all with grace or are you on the road to burnout like I was? What are your secrets for deciding what to do yourself and what to outsource? I’d love to know your thoughts as this is new territory for me.
My name is Jennifer and I’m also a reformed Help-a-phobic.
I find that I can now ask for help from some people…but I still struggle with others. Having a kid helped me relax a bit about being superwoman at the house. I found relief when I brought my stress up to my husband and realized that he neither expected nor wanted me to do it all. He actually wanted me to be happy! So yes….please, hire a housekeeper, hire a babysitter….lets get takeout! Hearing that from him was freeing! And I also try to remind myself that if friends come over and judge the dishes in my sink…or crumbs on the floor…they are not my kind of friends!!
Jenn- You have to love husbands who get it. My husband was very on board when I told him I had to give some things up (read this as: freaked out and cried after a Quickbooks error) . I believe his words were, “I didn’t know why you wanted to take that on anyway.” It is time to delegate and stop ironing the pillowcases! (ok. Maybe the pillowcases thing is my own personal issue…lol.)
i like your perspective. I’m oldest is going to preschool 3x a week this year, and little sister is going 1 morning a week. I felt guilt (why can’t I be a better stay at home mom??) but the reality is I need it. It pay bills, clean house, blog, or grab a coffee.